oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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