Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
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