my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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