We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
