Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
