Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
