so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
