So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize