Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
She's the barista slut.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
