When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
you have to choose: penises or morals?
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
