I'm so fucking centered right now
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize