Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
