I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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