i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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