He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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