Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
