One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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