The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
