I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Randomize
