dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
