i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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