I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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