She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
