He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Couch. On fire.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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