I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
