i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
