Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
