barbara walters just said penis...
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize