U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
