I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
We have so much sex to catch up on
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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