Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
