i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
His nipple licking is glorious
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