I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
