I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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