when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
