I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
