I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
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