shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Randomize
