Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
