She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
