So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
God I need to hump something, right now.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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