he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
