Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
