Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
