I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize