Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
