oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Randomize
