A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
