I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
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