I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize