My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
PANTIES FOUND
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