and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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