Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
