he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
