please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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