just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
