Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
