the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I think I just sharted jello shots
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