okay pat passed out under dana's car
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
