I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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