So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Randomize
