Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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