two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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