Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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