I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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