M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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