dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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