I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I yelled at your uterus for you.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
