I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I woke up under a house in Key West
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
