I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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