oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
My feet surprised me
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
