why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
