pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
if i can run in heels then i can drive
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
