it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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