God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
