Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
