that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Randomize
